January Summary

January will end sooner than I imagined.

This month is of great significant. Because it is the first month of a long period of time during which I can truly do things totally on my pace. It is the beginning of the time that I have the opportunity to dig deeper into and transform myself, namely, to make a better version of me.

However, I have to say the first month did not go very well, in terms of sticking to my plan. The first week was pretty good, I could study for five hours per day (but it was still less than what I wanted), but everything went bad after the first week.

On Monday of the second week, I experienced a mental collapse, or rather a belief collapse. It was mainly due to the two passages I read. I can’t remember the exact title, but the content was approximately that one equipped with a certain skill is highly risky in his career and social life, because he or she can easily be discarded by the industry only because the need and demand of the industry has changed. He took Oracle as an example, which canceled a certain business and the whole department was fired. Many employees who only specified in that business were no longer needed. I suddenly realized that I am nothing but a tool or battery. If some corporations need me as a good tool or a fully charged battery, then I would be hired. If they don’t need me anymore, I would be discarded like littering. At that moment everything seems so fucking meaningless, because I thought the society does not cares and respects anyone as a human being. It cost me almost two days to fully recover from that mental crisis. I couldn’t even walk out of that before I told my thought to my parents. It has been proved that talking to someone about your depression really helps you alleviate it, even thought the one you talked to cannot give you any useful advice. Later on I realized that it is too rough to generalize that the society is inhumane only through a passage written by a famous Zhihu answerer. I understand that the writer wanted to warn us that the risk of relying on a single skill to make a living is quite high, and I shouldn’t think too much. Forget about those fucking pessimistic ideas, man! In some details, life will give you warmth and love. The only thing you need to do is to believe and act.

Another thing that is worth being mentioned is about how to increase the amount of time spent on studying. The video I watched today could by helpful: Why I’m able to study 10 hours per day (how to stay focused) Why I’m able to study 10 hours per day (how to stay focused) - YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIVGp0SVAKw)). The thing is, I seldom make plans, let alone detailed plans. I need to reconfigure my schedule. What kind of person do I really want to be? What kind of life do I want to live? How can I get there? What can I do everyday in order to achieve it? I need to refine my schedule, making it clear, linking everyday to the future and the surrounding conditions. The future lies in your hand, man. Value every day, especially days you are spending right now.

It’s close to 12:00. I cannot stay up any longer. Going to bed before 12:00 is the first thing I need to keep in the next month.

Forget about those damn pessimistic and nihilistic ideas.

Focus on concrete life.